Goodnight Sweetheart
Sarah is babysitting Morgan tonight so I am home alone. It's funny how spending some time without someone makes you realize how much you love them. It's as if part of you is missing and you just don't function as well. I think Sarah and I are both at that point. We just don't seem to be ourselves and feel like we are wandering. I told her a few days ago that I don't know what to do. The last year has been spent making plans for our life with Carter. Now, what am I supposed to be looking forward to? Don't get me wrong. I love my wife dearly and look forward to spending the rest of my life with her. It's not easy "moving on". In fact, it's terrifying. Answers come easy to some. But this is life and believe me, there are no easy black and white answers. It's just hard.
Sarah has a job now (I'll let her give details). We have even talked about looking for a house. It would appear a new beginning. But part of us is missing and we don't function as well without Carter. Every thought of my precious son reminds me of how much we've lost.
Life will get better eventually. We will get better. The savior's hands are always there and we know that. So, goodnight my wonderful wife as I know thoughts of our precious son are with you now as well.
posted by Carter Heckman @ 7:11 PM
6 comments
6 Comments:
Gary:
Your love for your family is amazing at the least. I don't think there is a better match for you and Sarah than each other. I know that not having Carter must be difficult, as we are in the final planning stages for Baby Currie. Just yesterday we were at Babys R Us and were finishing up our registry, the last place we went were the books, the last book I saw was "the ladybug book" we had to leave. I wanted for Carter to befriend our baby like you and Sarah have befriended me. Please know, that I too think of him daily and miss him, even though I never saw his face. I was so excited for your family to begin to grow, and even more excited when we found out we were pregnant near the end of Sarah's pregnancy.
I love the three of you, and hold you near my heart in every prayer.
Love,
Amy
Gary, You are so right, there are no easy answers. So many times during these trials in our lives people try to find the right words to make us feel better. The bottom line is that life isn't fair!! All we can do during the storms is try to find encouragement in what we do have. Eventually, there will be new joys to help balance the pain, but certainly no black and white answers.
God Bless.
Gary,
You and Sarah continue to be in our daily prayers. It sounds as though instead of getting easier, it gets harder. The two of you are so courageous. You speak of "moving on". Remember that when it feels right to you, it is okay to "move on". You're not "moving" away from Carter and the joy he brought you, he will be moving WITH you, as he will always, always, always be a part of everything you and Sarah do. God bless the two of you and your families as you heal from this tragedy. I don't know if it can ever help, but know that so many of us continue to check the blog page and think of you daily. Take care.
by his very existence, carter changed who you both are, your goals, your expectations. his absence and death changed everything again. it is no wonder you feel out of touch with who you are and where you are going. your circumstances are changing too quickly to know.....as long as you know you want to go together, the details will work themselves out....in time the right path will become clear.
there are no easy answers. there is no black and white. everyone has their own story. life is not fair from a human viewpoint. by god's grace, you know life is not limited by a human point of view. in your sorrow, you know there is more even though you do not understand the "why".
at the risk of sounding presumptious, i wonder if you have considered seeking out a support group beyond your family and friends. other grieving parents that truly understand what you are going through at this time. not because misery loves company but because there is strenght in numbers. there is strength in sharing burdens with someone who "knows" rather than empathizing. it is good to have people that know us and hold us accountable. sometimes that becomes another burden in itself.
may god bless you both with peace, strength for the day and guidance for tomorrow.
This is hard for me to share with you,but to let you know how blessed you are as the tears roll down my face. God let your little boy come out to see our world and you got to hold him. In April of 1978 I lost our little boy never to be,I did't make it past the first trimester. Sarah I know the God I don't want to talk to you feeling. I couldn't even go to church for some time. I hurt so and now I share that hurt with you to understand it really does get better. His LOVE surrounds you. This website was so awesomely inspiring. What a blessing to know so many were praying for you(me included). I learned of this web site from a friend at Central Christian Church were I attend. Everyday our prayers are with you and we pray each day to serve others. Maybe sharing this with you will help you somehow......again you were so blessed to hold,cuddle,sing,read and tough precious Carter. May God continue to bless your lives and reach down and touch your heart with helping angels hands. Love to you from Pepper/aka L.May hotpeppers005@sbcglobal.net
Sorry the last word was to touch Carter. From Pepper
Post a Comment
<< Home