Kindness

I met a woman today. I was at work, making drinks and smalltalk with a guest when she asked me if I had children. This is a difficult question to answer, and I struggle with it each time it's asked. Do I say yes, and hopefully leave it at that? Do I say no, and completely discount the amazing little life of my Carter? Or, do I say yes, and briefly explain my loss. This time, I chose option 3. So, I said, "Yes, I had a baby, but he passed away." Usually when I answer in this way, I get a sympathetic but stunned response--something quick like "Oh, I'm so sorry," and then they rush away, eager to avoid the messiness of caring.
This woman was different, however. Her face turned from cordial to compassionate. In an instant we became soul friends, her empathy and heartfelt concern so evident in the way her eyes met mine. It is difficult to put words to this moment (yes, even for me!). There are very few interactions that touch me with such warmth. We visited for a few minutes, this stranger taking time from her shopping to simply care. She asked about him, which meant more to me than anything. So many times, people are polite, and they ask how I'm doing. This kind woman acknowledged Carter, putting meaning to his life. She and her family left, and then a few minutes later, she returned to ask my name. We spoke for a short time, and then she left again. Thank you, Deanna, for your sincerity and kindness. I hope to see you again.
Carter touched many lives, but there are a few special people whose souls are forever tied to my own, those people who continue to care, continue to make Carter's legacy part of their everyday lives. Thank you, dear ones, for taking my child into your heart and loving others with a vitality that mirrors Carter's courageous spirit.

People Hurt for a Reason

I was watching TV thursday night and my wife's favorite show came on "Grey's Anatomy". I'm not a fan of the show but if you are, you might recognize familiar coined phrases and names such as "Dr. McDreamy". I watched reluctantly as I was caught entranced by the story of a little girl in the show. She had a condition where she could not physically feel pain. At first the doctor's did not know what was wrong because she had multiple cuts and bruises. After testing her pain threshold it was apparent that she could not feel pain. Therefore she continued to get injured without calling attention to herself. The doctor discovered she was bleeding internally from multiple injuries. The little girl did not want to go into surgery. She felt no pain so she did not see the need for it. While in surgery, one of the doctors said "there's a reason people feel pain". That struck me the instant I heard it. I think sometimes I intentionally supress what I am truly feeling in order to not feel pain. Unfortunately, that doesn't mean something isn't wrong. Something is wrong. I should have a son here with me now. But I don't. I think we have to let ourselves hurt in order to know something is wrong and that we need help. Just like the little girl in the show, I have to give in to those who want to help me even if my feelings are now suppressed so that I can get better.