Carter would have turned one year old last Friday. It was a special day for Gary and me, as we spent some time at the cemetery in the morning (Carter was born at 9:43 a.m.), then took some time to be together in the afternoon. Friday night, our families came over to honor Carter. We had cake and punch, looked at photos, and watched the video of Carter. Although my heart longed to be laughing and celebrating as we watched our little boy open gifts and tear into his first cake, having our families with us and remembering our sweet Carter made the day complete.
This is, of course, not how I would have liked to spend the day, or the last 10 months. I miss him terribly, and the ache in my soul is still present and strong. There are moments when I realize that I've not cried in days, and I think to myself I might be starting to heal. Then there are moments when my sobs return uncontrollably. Sometimes I almost think I can feel his soft cheek or hear his gentle coos. Some nights I cradle the air in my arms and imagine my Carter nestled peacefully instead. But Friday was not one of those days, and the reason was simple.
God is amazing. Even after months of my cold shoulder, he is still reaching out through the love of others to make his presence known to me. God, knowing how much we would need him on Carter's birthday, sent a vision to an earthly angel. Kathy Parker, a member of the Liberty First Christian Church, decided to hold a 24 hour prayer vigil for our family from midnight-midnight on March 9. Friends and church members, many of whom I do not know, signed up for 30 minute time slots to pray for peace and comfort on a day that could otherwise have been filled with grief and sadness. So, to Kathy and her husband, Keith, and to the nearly 50 other friends and strangers who lifted up faithful prayers for us, THANK YOU. From the bottom of our hearts--we felt the peace and loving arms of our Father holding us up on that day. We know, too, that many others thought of us that day. God has certainly surrounded us with love and support.
p.s.--please continue to check Landon's site, www.caringbridge.org/visit/landondody and pray for him and his family. He has taken a bad turn, and although the words written by his parents sound so very familiar, we must all pray for his healing. Thanks!
p.p.s.--We recently learned that we are once again expecting!! Carter will be a big brother sometime around the end of October! This is both exciting and terrifying, as we know there could be genetic complications. Please pray for a healthy baby and a healthy pregnancy. My heart seems to be struggling a bit, and I've already been in the hospital once. My doctors are the best, though, and we are believing that all will be well.